Once upon a time I used to spend a lot of time getting very, very drunk. I wasn’t pleased with myself for getting drunk so much but I couldn’t stop. Someone then told me I was an ‘alcoholic’ and that the only way I could stop drinking was to go to Alcoholics Anonymous.
So I joined Alcoholics Anonymous and spent a lot of time in church basements drinking powdered coffee and eating cheap biscuits trying to get rid of the ‘defects’ in my character, the defects that AA told me would keep me in the mess I was in. They introduced me to many concepts, and made many ’suggestions’ to me. The concepts that I was supposed to work the hardest at were surrendering myself to a ‘Higher Power’ which would ‘awake’ me spiritually and in the meantime, while waiting for that Higher Power (or GOD) to take over, I should pray and pray and pray to get rid of those defects.
Because, they said, if I didn’t get rid of those pesky defects I’d drink again and most likely die.
That was lie number One.
This site is for people who want didn’t have such a good time in AA or don’t believe any longer what AA told them. If attendance at Alcoholics Anonymous has been suggested to you as a possible treatment for a drinking problem, then only you’ll be able to decide whether meetings might help you. I, like many. many others have decided the meetings no longer help me. These are our stories.
Comment of the Week
In desperation, I had decided to give aa another shot, not believing that there was any other way. I was greeted warmly into the “fellowship”, which meant a lot to me, (as most people don’t care much for ex-hookers and aren’t comfortable with the knowledge that I may have blown their husbands). Immediately, I began to feel uncomfortable with the dirge-like use of cliches that were supposed to explain everything. Outside of these cliches, there were no answers. When I expressed concern, as an atheist, about turning my life over to a higher power that I did not have, I was directed to “stay open minded”, believe in a different god other than the god of the bible, or to read the chapter on the agnostic. My lack of belief means as much to me as the beliefs of a devout follower of jesus or mohammed and I had, nor have no wish to change. somehow, my position was not respected and I became an outcast, yet again. Now, as I attend the meetings I am forced to by my (aa based) program, I watch these people in wonder. I truly believe that the program is a cult and it’s only success comes from the new high and exhultation one recieves from belief. Count me out. From the Chieftest of Sinners-
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December 18, 2007 at 4:23 pm
It is well that you are out of AA. It is a very selfish program; and, a very selfish organization.
The 12 steps bear no relation to human life; a mere abstraction.
February 1, 2008 at 11:44 pm
other than the free group therapy i get little from aa.
their assertion that “it works if you work it” is absurd.
it only works for 5% …the same % for those who just quit on their own.
February 12, 2008 at 7:02 am
I am so happy to find this blog. I quit drinking over 4 years ago. I too was told that AA was the only way and that if I stopped going to meetings that surely I would drink and die.
I never felt like I fit in, I hated the cheesy slogans that you hear over and over, I hated holding hands and reciting christian prayers, I hated being a lemming.
When I moved to another state after 18 months of not drinking, AA seemed even worse to me. My first 3 months of meetings and not one person offered me their number or welcomed me. I was not disappointed, nor was I surprised. But I was intrigued. These people had no idea I wasnt someone who was trying to quit drinking, but surely I didnt look like I would fit into their little click.
I stopped going, despite the fact they had armed me with the knowledge that “surely I would drink and die”. Hell, I like to live life on the edge. One month passed, two months passed, then three and four and I seemed to be sober AND happy. In fact I noticed I was happier than when I was going to meetings.
A year after I stopped going to meetings, I went back to a meeting, just to see. Before the meeting, I was getting all those pity looks and the incinuating question “Has everything been alright?” (aka. Did you drink! ARRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGG! I wanted to scream and I was feeling fiesty). I shared that I hadnt been to a meeting in a year and that I hadnt felt like drinking, my life was good and I was happy. Yeah……..I felt like stirring up a little trouble. Nearly everyone who shared after me had some robotic comment about how I was setting myself up for a relapse, I was a dry drunk, I was fooling myself…….One woman however, went on and on about how she relapsed on vanilla ice-cream…you know, the vanilla extract. She said she actually felt something. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? I have since baked several things that require vanilla extract and never got drunk. (You know, like I said, I like to live life on the edge.)
After the meeting, not one single person acknowledged my existance. I was the black sheep, for sure. I left with a smug feeling, they werent going to win me over, they werent going to trap me this time, I wasnt going to play their cultish games anymore……….
And I wondered, as I walked away….how could these people actually speak about God and a higher power ? They didnt even know how to treat a fellow human being with kindness just because she didnt do exactly what she was “told”.
Back on the east coast… my “friends” from my meetings back home would call me once in a while. The first question out of their mouths was “How are your meetings?” I am not going to lie, I told them I didnt go anymore. They all dropped away from my life.
I treated these people as family, letting them use my car, listening to their problems, we had dinner together, saw shows, went for hikes…….but since I stopped going to meetings, they have had nothing to do with me. One even said, “call me after you have been to a meeting”. I never went, so I never called, and I never will.
I feel sorry for these folks. Most of them attend 3-4 meetings a week and have no time for anything but work and AA. AA is just another addiction, but harder for some to quit.
It is tough to say if I would have quit drinking on my own, but I will certainly stay quit on my own.
I KNEW there had to be others out there like me. Funny how the AA’ers tell you to “stick with the winners” and automatically assume that everyone who leaves AA drinks immediately. What a loser thing to think…………….